The entire world anxiously watched Game of Thrones with the hope that Jon Snow would, uh, return from his “stint” on the other side last Sunday. And while we finally discovered his fate, we were all subjected to one hell of a rollercoaster ride. I’ll save you the trouble, and just hit on the important stuff by getting right to the point.
Tyrion: Dragon Whisperer
Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) came up with the bright idea that talking to Dany’s (Emilia Clarke) two chained up dragons, and Varys, being the messy broad that he is, was more than happy to help Tyrion’s drunk ass in the endeavor. What ensued was shocking. Not only did the dragons not barbecue Tyrion like a rack of ribs, but they let him get close enough to free them from their chains. This doesn’t help dispel the rumors that our favorite of the Lannister kids might not be much of a Lannister at all…
The Greyjoys are Back!
There’s nothing like a little fratricide to bring a family together, am I right? This is one murder that I can get behind, though. Balon Greyjoy, the dad to Yara (Asha in the books) and Theon, was pretty worthless. So, when his brother Euron throws his ass over the bridge and onto the rocks below, no one shed a tear. If you read the books, however, you already know that Euron is a piece of work himself. He’s just less of a killjoy… With Theon (Alfie Allen) making his way back home to get his shit together, and Yara (Gemma Whelan) eyeing the throne (she is the most qualified), all hell is going to break loose in the Iron Islands.
Ramsay Bolton Will Always Be the Firstborn
Ramsay finally had enough of his father’s emotional abuse, not that he didn’t deserve it. But Ramsay Bolton is his father’s son, bastard or not, so rather than suffer any more threats about his inheritance thanks to Daddy Roose getting Walda Frey with child, he takes matters into his own hands. He simply removes these obstacles from his way by dispatching them to the next life. Walda and little Roose Jr. were dog food, however, in a scene that was super hard to watch… Until I remembered that it’s probably karma hitting the Freys where it hurts for betraying Robb and Catelyn Stark at the Red Wedding.
Jaime Lannister Gets an Offer He Can’t Refuse?
Aside from the super disturbing vision of Myrcella lying dead on a slab with weird eye coverings *shudder*, Jaime Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) plays Uncle Pa to King Tommen convincing him to make amends with Cersei. When the High Sparrow arrives, he manages to get Jaime to think about some sort of alliance or working relationship. All I know is that Jaime didn’t kill his ass, so that must be a good sign that Jaime’s open to anything.
Sleeping Beauty Jon Snow Awakes
Let’s face it. The only thing anyone really gave a damn about was whether or not Jon Snow was going to come back from the dead. Well, thanks to some convincing from Davos Seaworth, Melisandre gave resuscitating Snow the good old college try and it worked… After a few tense minutes. The question that remains is this: Will Jon be the Jon we’ve come to know and love? Or will he be a vengeful revenant hellbent on destroying anyone who hurt his family? He could be a mix of both at the very least. Just don’t be surprised if he fills the space Lady Stoneheart (Catelyn) was supposed to fill in the show.
Honorable mention goes to the Zombie Mountain That Rides for crushing that douchebro’s head against the wall for bragging about screwing Cersei (he didn’t). Ugh.. The Mountain just will not go away. Still, I can’t wait to see what happens when they unveil what he looks like. From what we saw of his eyes through his helmet, it will not be pretty.
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Images: Giphy via HBO.com