Game of Thrones Season 2, Episode 2 Recap: Listerine Please!

Grab your listerine because the GeekMundo Game of Thrones Season 2, episode 2 recap is about to begin. Hope you had a light breakfast… You might have to swallow it back down. Last night’s drama was bananas… Spoilers ahead

I was really irritated with this episode and quite frankly I am not feeling the direction they are taking the show. Like I said before, I’ve already read “A Clash of Kings” so I know how this works. @JonnyQball79 and I kept looking at each other like “WTF?”.

Let’s start with Daenerys. We find our khaleesi with Jorah and her blood of her blood positively fatigued and dehydrated in the waste (desert). Things are looking bad for Daenerys and it doesn’t help that they see a riderless horse with red stripes and markings approach. Jorah gets up to check the horse, they have figured out that it can’t be good by this time. Turns out Jorah finds Rakharo‘s head (Elyes Gebel)has been stuffed into his saddlebag and his braid has been cut. Jorah states that one of the other khals may have done this horrible act because they are pissed a female is running a khalasar.

WTF moment #1. Rakharo does NOT die in ACoK. Matter of fact, he makes it into ASoS. So, I’m more than a little pissed that the writers decided to take him out. Why? We have another character of color, one who is worth something, eliminated but Esmee Bianco’s Roslin character gets to stay? If we are talking about paychecks then cut hers and keep Elyes. I just want to know why he was killed. All I know is Doreah better be offed proper or I’m rioting…

Anyway, Jorah and Daenerys realize shit just got real and something better happen soon. This is some bullshit, though. Rakharo should be alive.

Speaking of Roslin… We see Littlefinger aka Lord Petyr Baelish watching some serious sexy time through a peephole. I mean, it’s going down. This is pretty obnoxious because it is unnecessary. I think HBO is laughing at us laughing at them to be honest. Suddenly, some “poor John” comes out whining about how he didn’t get his rocks off. In the corner of Lord Baelish’s eye comes a beautiful, naked chick obviously done from doing her “job” (pun intended). He beckons her but the complaining John doesn’t see her. And a good thing too. When she gets closer, we see she’s got some serious white glob dripping down the side of her mouth (girl, you didn’t feel that? That’s ratchet.) Like a good lad, Petyr wipes her mouth with his handkerchief (hope he burned it) then hands her over to the guy. What does the guy do? Kisses her FULL on in the mouth, tongue and all. I gagged. I mean, they really tried to outdo themselves with the nasty stuff this episode. WTF moment #2!

Petyr goes to see what’s the matter and finds Roslin crying and whimpering. @JonnyQball79 and I are still just trying to figure out what the HELL she’s still doing in this show. He wanted to know who Esmee Bianco knows to still be on the show. I’m curious too. Again, I maintain that Chataya and Alayaya should have been in the story and removing them (plus killing off Rakharo) is problematic to me. The books aren’t perfect when it comes to representing people of color, but Martin tried and created some pretty intriguing characters. Again, at least he tried and gave them some dimension. To remove them just stinks of whitewashing. The excuse is that it will avert confusion, but I’m pretty damned confused because if you are reading this guy’s books, you’re probably not a dumbass and can grasp a change of characters.

Roslin’s crying about the murder of the prostitute’s baby in the last episode in the purging and Petyr basically tells her to suck it up and drive on. I’m going on record to say that she has no business there and without Chataya and Alayaya there, a lot of the story doesn’t hold up for me so I will be interested to see how they do navigate that.

Tyrion shows that he is the Hand of the King like a boss. Cersei proves that she has NO blood running in her veins but instead bleeds acid and cyanide because she is cruel as hell. Tyrion chastises her for the purgings and she indicates that while she did not have anything to do with that directly, she sees where her son Joffrey is coming from by putting out the hits. She also tells Tyrion that his whole existence is a bad joke because he killed their mom when he was being born. What a peach, eh? Tyrion makes two big mistakes. First, he ignores the Night’s Watch plea for more attention and help because wights have attacked. Second, he sends Janos Slynt to the Wall which is stupid as hell, especially since Jon Snow is there. However, he’s showing that he means business and he will not be one to be screwed with…for now.
When Varys makes the mistake of discovering where Shae is and threatening him, Tyrion bites right back threatening to throw the eunuch right into the sea. We shall see…

Speaking of that, I hope Lily Allen doesn’t watch this show because her brother Alfie Allen (Theon Greyjoy) is getting tons of action…even from his sister. I see they consolidated parts of the story from the book. We find out that Yara (Asha in the books) is actually Theon’s sister and we all gag collectively because he’d just been fingering her on the horse ride up to Pyke. Talk about brotherly love… Of course, it’s nothing like the books which was a lot better but it was just as creepy. We realize that Balon Greyjoy is a dick and a bitter asshole to his son. He is too bitter to do anything but debase Theon which will drive much of Theon’s actions in the upcoming episodes. Theon is aghast at realizing he was trying to give his own sister the business. I like Gemma Whelan as Yara though. We realize also that Balon has no intention of attacking the Lannisters.

We are introduced to Salladhor Saan via his conversation with Davos Seaworth and we like him. He agrees to help Stannis out so long as he can smash Cersei. I think she’d bite his member off first.

Melisandre and Stannis are going against the book in a way because there is no open sex between the two in the book but you know it’s there if you catch the drift in a few of the middle chapters. Yet, Stannis takes Melisandre’s evil ass on the table after she promises him a son because his wife basically sucks. I think I know what she meant, but she never said any of that in the book so… Wow! I think they just put the sex in to put the sex in.

I just love Arya and Gendry and we get to see more of their chemistry in this episode. Arya confesses to Gendry that she is actually not Arry but Arya Stark. Gendry isn’t surprised she’s a girl, but is appalled that he’s been pissing in front of a lady. He promises not to tell anyone and they do some flirtatious playfighting. I so want them to get together. I do. I love Gendry. However, he’s a wanted man. Some Kingsguard guys catch up to Yoren and his guys and try to take Gendry. Yoren is able to scare them off but they know now that something is up and they need to get a move on. Gendry doesn’t seem to know why.

We also meet Jaqen H’ghar the sexy, mysterious stranger who speaks in third person played by Tom Wlaschiha. Boom! Jaqen is the freakin’ man. We also meet Rorge and Biter who are some real bastards. Biter is rendered alright but Rorge has his nose which he does NOT have in the books. At this point in time, I’m just lost and confused. I am happy with Jaqen H’ghar though. Could’ve used more white in his hair though.

Jon and the Night’s Watch guys are still at Craster‘s where they realize this guy is freaking creepier than any wildling they could hope to meet.  This deviates from the book in a big way, but we find that Jon sees Craster running off with a baby in the night, handing it over to something that does not speak any sort of human language.  Jon hides when Craster comes back only to find Craster was waiting for him and knocks him the hell out.

Overall it was a strong episode in many ways, but also week when compared to the books. I think reading the book before has kind of made it hard for me to enjoy these episodes as much as season one, but still as a fan I will be watching because they are switching it up. I want to see that Blackwater battle.

Thoughts? What did you think of last night’s episode?