Say what you want to say about TNA, but I find myself looking forward to Impact more and more each week, to help temper the fuckery that goes down on RAW on Mondays. This week will be no different.
There have been some shitty episodes of Monday Night RAW, and there have been some EPIC ones. There have been some middle of the road, tepid episodes as well. Unfortunately, last night’s episode was more cringe-inducing than anything else, and I was left at a loss for positive words. Let’s break it down, shall we? I’ll start with the “good news”, or the wins.
– Sure, people are kind of over Paul Heyman and John Cena going it at it for most verbose speech of the night, but Paul Heyman sure as hell brings the best out of people. Well, in Cena’s case it was the “worst”, because we saw a faint glimmer of a heel Cen’. When John decided to make good on his threat to beat Heyman’s ass, it was probably the highest point of the night. Throw in an appearance by Brock Lesnar to save his homeboy, and you’ve got two winning segments.
– Naomi/Trinity was in rare form in her match against Cameron/Ariane (let’s pick a name, WWE!). She showed her physicality, her skills, and hustle impressively. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for Cameron. More on that under Fails…
– The Usos teamed up with Sheamus to face off against Stardust and Cesaro. As usual, these guys brought some excitement to an otherwise drag-ass episode of RAW. And I absolutely love heel Stardust. Their gimmick is perfect for them being heels, as they can play up their malevolence. Yes, they’re over with the crowd, but they’re great as villains.
– I guess the pop that R. Truth and Dolph Ziggler got after last weekend’s Friday Night SmackDown–where Dolph introduced Truth as his stunt double to antagonize The Miz–was significant enough to warrant a rematch last night. It was cute. It’s always fun to see guys having fun with a gimmick, but make no mistake, it’s not sustainable. Eventually, Damien Mizdow/Sandow and R. Truth’s fates and roles will have to be defined and decided. I’m having fun in the meantime, though. The scenery ain’t too bad either…
– This. This fight between Brock and Cena. End of story.
– Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins was an intense match as usual, so it was a highlight, even if the beef is getting a little stale between these two.
– Cameron and that freaking split over Naomi. I actually like the idea that this is part of the WWE’s gimmick for her, but what does it really achieve? It was already a lame RAW to begin with. Why use this Divas match to further smear the poor reputation of that division? Let’s say she really did botch that pinfall, it’s just symptomatic of the fucked up nature of the Divas division and their issues overall. A good chunk of them need work. Cameron just so happens to be one of the scapegoats.
– Big Show battling Bray Wyatt… What the actual…? I don’t care what anyone says, the way they’ve been booking Bray is a travesty. He’s got a great gimmick, charisma, sick skills on the mic, great promos… The list goes on. Why he’s in a match against Big Show makes about as much sense as a match pitting John Cena against Khali. It’s illogical and lazy.
– Brie and A.J. Lee vs. Nikki and Paige brought to mind only one question: Who the f*ck cares??? I stopped caring weeks ago. Paige and A.J. beefing is old and tired, and Nikki versus Brie is pointless. We know they love each other. We see it on Total Divas every Sunday.
– Y2J facing off against Kane was boring and clearly it was just filler. Nothing to see here folks. Seeing those two battle was ineffective for me. Another nonsense ass match.
– In the swerve of the night, RAW ended with Mark Henry trying to rally the dead and decaying crowd–I swear they were zombies–in Lafayette last night against Rusev and Lana’s
pro-Communist pro-Russian mewling. Not even Lana’s painted on suit was able to rouse that poor lot. To their credit, they did have to endure that shit live, though. Mark Henry sounded like he wanted to be anywhere, but in that ring during his promo.
By the way, I call it a swerve because, well, when was the last time RAW didn’t end with top tier guys? At the end of the day, this match should have been at the very beginning of last night’s three hour long show. Not at the end. I’m assuming someone called in sick.
Oh, and Seth Rollins’ promo against Roman has the internet streets buzzing, but not for good reasons. Watch:
No, Seth. Just… No.
Did Cody Barbierri write this promo? Who the hell signed off on Seth pretending to act like an ape after referring to Roman as some kind of brute? Did they forget the guy is part Samoan? Did they also not, you know, know history? You can’t just go around the place referring to people of color as apes because that rarely ends well. That whole “brute” thing is and was fucked up, and it’s a major fail.
Oh, and there was this commercial for the WWE Network playing ever so often to add insult to injury: