Review: Why The Amazing Spider-Man 2 Sucked… Mostly

So I watched The Amazing Spider-Man 2 over the weekend, and came out with one thought, Thank God, that’s over. I will just start off by saying that The Amazing Spider-Man 2 was alright.  But that’s it.  It was just alright.  It wasn’t good, and it certainly wasn’t great.  It was good to pass the time, and that’s the extent of it.  If that’s the type of thing you like, then you’ll probably disagree.  However, I expect more than mushy bullshit when I go to watch a comic book action movie. And why the hell did Electro get hosed in the movie?  I was excited to see him go in on Spidey and instead, he had to share the stage with a very annoying, ultra whiny, and mega-douchey version of Harry Osborn and Gwen and Pete’s angst and their “complicated” poppycock. Let me break it down:

1) Chick Flick: In so many parts I felt like I was watching a chick flick disguised as a comic book movie, and I fucking hate chick flicks.  I rolled my eyes so many times,  that I could tell you  what the back of my skull looks like.  First Gwen and Peter (Emma Stone and Peter Parker–a real life couple) are together, and then the next minute it’s “complicated”, and they are pining for each other.  I get that the end of the movie somewhat explains why this happens, but it was still pretty lame to experience.  Especially considering I lived through three different Spider-Man films by Sam Raimi where the same angst was present.  Spidey just traded Gwen for Mary Jane.  They were cute though… But cute and comic book movie don’t usually work very well together.

2) Teeny-Bopping: It was so hard for me to walk away feeling convinced that these were kids, and not grown adults with fucked up priorities and/or time on their hands.  I couldn’t quite quantify that Gwen was giving a high school speech, and not a commencement speech after finishing up four years at CUNY or something.

3) Bye, Felicia Harry: Having Harry Osborn in the movie, didn’t really do much for me.  Rhino and Electro would’ve been a much better tag team.  I just kept wanting to tell the kid to man up, and “quityerbitchin’”.  Didn’t we already have the Green Goblin in the last installment.  Does Spider-Man not have enough enemies and  villains to battle?  Speaking of…

4) Rhino: The guy gets his ass handed to him, but then all of a sudden, he comes out of nowhere with a massive iron Rhino suit?  I’m trying to see what’s good with that.  Alas, we’ll have to wait and see what happens.

5) Needs More Electro: Hands down, the best parts belong to Electro and his battles with Spidey.  Unfortunately, the writers and producers opted to spend more time on a more pointless story arc (because of the ending). than giving us the battles one would expect  in a comic book movie.  Electro finally gets to break necks and cash checks (catch that Stepbrothers ref), and then poof!  He’s outro?

6) Gwen’s Choice: One of the things that irritated me to no end in The Amazing Spider-Man 2 was the fact that the men in Gwen’s  life felt that it was okay to make her choices for her.  I get that they want to protect her, and in the end her choices do have certain repercussions.  However, at the end of the day, they spent too much time, and created too much drama trying to guide her life for her, which resulted in this maddening story arc that focused on their relationship.

7) We Found Love: At the end of the day, the love story was a cute one, but I don’t really want to rehash romance in a Spider-Man flick anytime soon.  It just seems like a remix of the original, which doesn’t make a better movie.  It just makes it a remix…

In future, I’d like to see a grown-up Peter, dealing with his real issues–the loss of his parents, the loss of his grandfather, his losses in general, and his growing weariness with his role as a superhero–in future movies, but in a more adult capacity.  Think The Dark Knight Rises, and the awesome way that was handled.   I get that going that dark may not be possible, but anything in that general direction has to be infinitely better than the sad sack love story I watched.